The true story of the Trololo Man

21 05 2012

Memes. The best/worst thing to have happened to the internet in recent years. Sometimes clever, sometimes obnoxious, sometimes clever than obnoxious (you know the funny thing about jokes? They eventually go stale.) However, I’m more of a video fan myself, so when a meme has its roots in something I can look up on Youtube, I’m all in. Hence, Trololo Man Meme.

Trololo Meme

Apparently, influence on the internet doesn’t have to involve any knowledge of drawing.

Trololo Man mocks all. But, not everyone (those of you with lives) may be familiar with this uber-ugly face. Turns out, this is a real dude, and chances are if you’re still reading this, you’ve seen his video.

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Yes, Eduard Khil is real, and is STILL LURKING AROUND OUT THERE. Rather than lazily plagiarize from his Wiki biography, I’ll just lazily give the link instead. For those too lazy to check out the background behind this Soviet era song, you probably think it means something in Russian. Nope. Check out this quote from the Wiki page:

There is a backstory about this song. Originally, we had lyrics written for this song but they were poor. I mean, they were good, but we couldn’t publish them at that time. They contained words like these: “I’m riding my stallion on a prairie, so-and-so mustang, and my beloved Mary is thousand miles away knitting a stocking for me”. Of course, we failed to publish it at that time, and we, Arkady Ostrovsky and I, decided to make it a vocalisation. But the essence remained in the title. The song is very playful – it has no lyrics, so we had to make up something for people would listen to it, and so this was an interesting arrangement.
—Eduard Khil, Life News (Russian)
So yes, there were lyrics for the song. They just decided trolling would be better. Hence, a meme was born.
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Think just any old nonsensical vocalization would have worked? Well, wrong again.
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Well, that was just creepy. 
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If Michael Bay Was Directing Dark Knight Rises

18 05 2012

So, there’s a few people in the world looking forward to Nolan’s final bat-epic, Dark Knight Rises. As I have already pointed out, Christopher Nolan prefers dark and realistic-ish takes on Batman. However, what if Warner Bros. decided to lighten the mood a little (Avenger-rize)  with a new director? How about Michael Bay? What’s the worst that can happen with him in charge? Shia LaBeouf. Or maybe Megan Fox. Maybe even Nicolas Cage! Probably all working together to create a masterpiece! Let’s take a look.

 

Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox posing at the Trans...

Not a good sign.
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

     Michael Bay Presents Dark Knight Transforms

(The film opens with 45 minutes of no BATMAN or BANE, just SHIA LABEOUF going to COLLEGE.)

MICHAEL CAINE: What the heck did that have to do with the plot?

(CAR EXPLODES behind them)

SHIA LABEOUF: Oh, no, no, no, no, NO!

(The BATMOBILE races in)

MICHAEL CAINE: Master Wayne!

BAT-CHRISTIAN BALE: Alfvred, wefghahlph ardk trulfed pseveaiemivfhysl.

MICHAEL CAINE: Oh, come, Mr. Bay! His voice has never been close to that bad! Those aren’t even real words!

MICHAEL BAY: I know! It’s the perfect filler! And it’s still more meaningful than my usual dialogues!

SHIA LABEOUF: Hey, guys, I’m gonna find some monkeys to swing with. (Walks away to DESTROY INDIANA JONES)

Indiana Jones Disaster

Well there goes everyone’s childhood down the poop chute.

EXT. ROOFTOP OF GOTHAM BANK

(BANE is carrying a BOMB, but is stopped by CATWOMAN)

BANE: You are not Anne Hathaway.

MEGAN FOX: (Pouting expression)

BANE: There’s not a acting bone in your body, or anything real at all, for that matter.

(Camera continually OGLES MEGAN FOX during the conversation)

BANE: REALLY? First Shia Lebeouf, now you? Screw it.

(BANE detonates  bomb, MERCIFULLY TAKING HIMSELF OUT OF THIS TRASH)

(MEGAN FOX runs in SLOW MOTION from the massive EXPLOSION, which has started a chain reaction of MORE FIREBALLS)

MORGAN FREEMAN: WHOOOHOO! Now that’s some REAL messed-up, heavy– sigh,  really Mr. Bay? This is NOT how my character has acted in the other movies.

MICHAEL BAY: I know, but you were the main black character, and I have to have some good old-fashioned racist stereotyping in here somewhere, right? Now let’s see you put those gold teeth back in.

INT. OF THE BATCAVE

BAT-BALE: I think I’m going to need help cleaning up this city, SHIA LEBUTT. Will you take your place as ROBIN?

SHIA LABEOUF: Well, gee, I would love to-

MICHAEL BAY: -And that’s great! Enough character development! Let’s hit the good stuff! AUTOBOTS, ATTACK!

(The ending of the MOVIE is replaced by 45 minutes of CGI BATTLE)

Image of the Batwing filming in Pittsburgh in ...

Right before turning into a DECEPTICON. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

SHIA LEBEOUF: NO NO NO NO NO NO!





If Christopher Nolan Directed “The Avengers”

7 05 2012

So, like one or two dozen other people around the world, I saw The Avengers last weekend. Like most of you, I watched this movie and thought, “I could’ve done better.” However, since I’m a little short in the Hollywood influence area, I’d choose the next best person: Christopher Freakin’ Nolan.

Chris Nolan

The Director we deserve, but not the one we need.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What if the man behind Dark Knight decided to add a cold, hard dose of reality to fun-loving, superhero-fueled The Avengers? Well, you’d have a gritty, realistic, mind-bender of a movie, of course without all the aliens and, er, superpowers.

The Unrealistic Comic People

I present Nolan’s likely character presentations.

The Hulk– Dr. Bruce Banner is a very large physicist of a man.  He struggles with anger issues caused by a childhood filled with bullying from all the skinny kids. Despite his weight, he spends half the movie without his shirt on, designed to “shock” the audience.

Iron Man– Replaced by Batman, because Chris Nolan does what Chris Nolan wants.

Thor– Stan Carter claims to be the god of thunder, carrying around his giant sledgehammer and rocking medieval-style locks. Early on, it is revealed he took one too many trips down Trippy Lane during his college years.

Hawkeye– Best shot in the world, former Navy SEAL. His importance in the story is greatly enhanced by the loss of the other’s super powers.

Black Widow– Thor’s deceased wife who only appears in his drug-induced dreams.

Nick Fury– Played by Morgan Freeman, and that’s all you need to know.

Loki– Thor’s adopted brother with delusions of grandeur. His plan is to use an army of illegal aliens to storm New York City, because he’s an agent of chaos who just wants to watch the world burn.

Plot- Switch Loki’s army to disgruntled, exploited illegal aliens. Switch super hero face-offs to gritty hand combat. Besides that, same thing.