100% Accurate Predictions for 2013 Blockbuster Movies

24 01 2013

So what’s going to happen with this year’s top movies? Read on, if you dare, for an unbiased and gritty look into the future.

February

A Good Day to Die Hard

Poetry.

Poetry.

Prediction: Bruce Willis will wow audience in the newest Die Hard installment, leading them down a “philosophical masterpiece,” effortlessly blending  deep themes with an original story line.

March

Oz the Great and Powerful

James Franco. Now he's Oz.

James Franco. Now he’s Oz.

Prediction: James Franco, vowing vengeance against Spider Man, travels to Oz, a magical place anyone on a drug trip can visit.

April

Oblivion

Morgan Freeman Oblivion

Morgan Freeman goes Book of Eli

Prediction: Tom Cruise journeys to the late Planet Earth, which has long stopped supporting human life. This is not to be confused with M. Night Shyamalan’s (red flag!) new movie After Earth, which also features a recognizable movie star journeying to the late Planet Earth, which has long stopped supporting human life.

May

Iron Man 3

He's like Batman, only not sad that he's a superhero.

He’s like Batman, only not sad that he’s a superhero.

Prediction: Robert Downey Jr. continues being a filthy rich guy who is likable but also annoyingly self-absorbed. He also plays Iron Man.

Star Trek into Darkness

star-trek-meme-into-darkness

Prediction: KHAAAAAAN!

June

Man of Steel

Superman can be a jerk.

Superman can be a jerk.

Prediction: Man of Steel becomes the year’s most anticipated movie, answering the question if Christopher Nolan can make a Superman movie that is actually watchable.

July

The Wolverine

The Wolverine Poster

Shirt Not Included, Unnecessary Sword Is

Prediction: Hugh Jackman sings his way through this bold musical retelling of the X-Men’s origins. Can Wolverine find redemption and appear in the next twelve X-Men movies?

August

Red 2

Red 2

This time they’re wearing ridiculous costumes!

Prediction: Laugh your way through yet another action comedy about aging action stars. This one’s even a sequel, so it’s twice as fresh!

September

Star Wars Episode 2- Attack of the Clones

Mace Windu is not impressed

Nor are we with this movie.

Prediction: Re-watch George Lucas teabag your childhood, but this time it’s in glorious 3-D! Watch two generally unlikable lovers frolic in meadows and ponder to yourself how much better Darth Maul could have made this disappointment of a movie.

October

Paranormal Activity 27

Actually, this would be better.

Actually, this would be better.

 

Prediction: Gasp in horror as doors creak and toilets become possessed. However, most of the movie will feature such standbys as dumb people sleeping and dumber people making home videos. They’ll still charge 10 bucks to see this.

November

Thor: The Dark World

Thor Funny

Ladies…

Prediction: Thor returns  to pretend his movie franchise isn’t around just to advertise Avengers 2. However, Chris Hemsworth guarantees this is at least one comic book movie your girlfriend will want to see.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Peeta Meme

Awkward teen romance included!

Prediction: Will Katniss and friends leave us hungry for me, or will the movie’s appeal go up in flames? Wow, that was even painful to type. Either way, the third book’s a disaster, so it goes downhill after this.

December

The Hobbit- The Desolation of Smaug

Smaug the Draghen

Sweet Concept Art of Smaug.

Prediction: Peter Jackson continues his drawn-out film tradition, with a forty-minute segment devoted to the proper way to braid a dwarf’s beard. Rumors abound that we’ll actually get to see the dragon this time, unless Jackson decides to split it into two more movies.





Prisoner’s Dilemma- Person of Interest Review (Episode 12)

11 01 2013

Image

Let me start out by saying “Prisoner’s Dilemma” got my first perfect score. Now that you know the ending, let me explain. This episode had the best of every element that makes this show different; it featured an extra amount of the series’ recurring characters, had several laugh-out-loud moments with Fusco and a supermodel POI, pushed the core characters to the limit with a nerve-wracking plot, and ended with a twist I never would have guessed at the beginning. Seriously, this was a season-finale in the middle of January.

(SPOILERS) One of the highlights was the much-advertised series of interrogations between Carter and Reese, with FBI spook Donnelly (Brennan Brown) pushing hard in the background. This was his strongest episode yet, with a big payoff between him and Carter and John when he finally caught them. What should have been his moment of triumph was overshadowed by his wounded disappointment with Carter’s betrayal, and the his sudden death at the end gave his character a sort of tragic finish. After all, his motives were no different than Carter’s original goal in the beginning of the show, and I admit I kinda hate to see such an interesting character go. Tack on Elias helping Reese and Kara Stanton’s (Annie Parisse) reveal, and you’ve got one heck of cliffhanger.

 

Carter interrogates Reese POI

Above: Everything hitting the fan.

Random Thoughts:

1. Anyone who read my earlier review should remember my prediction of Reese meeting Elias in prison, and the odds of them forming some sort of alliance. While I was wrong that they might break out of prison together, we did see them meeting and Elias helping John, even saving him from a vengeful Aryan gang member. So, can I get a 70 for my grade?

2. I desperately wanted to see Finch’s plan to forcibly break Reese out of prison. I mean, Finch with a grenade launcher.

3. Speaking of Finch, he really shined this episode, showing that he was willing to blow his whole cover to save John, and his desperate effort to save Donnelly from Kara proved his moral code never backs down.

4. I guess Donnelly wasn’t as naive as he seemed of Carter, which made his character more believable. After his discovery, there really was no way the show’s premise could have continued, unless he joined the team (which he didn’t) or got killed (which he did).

5. Surprisingly, this was the least we’ve ever seen of a POI, which was played mostly for laughs since it was Fusco protecting a supermodel. We only saw the funniest parts of the case, and honestly, Fusco  jumping out of nowhere and firing two handguns action-hero-style was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.

Conclusion: 10/10

Fusco and Supermodel

I wish I could have seen this whole case.





The 9 Most Surprising Movies of 2012 (from my point of view)

6 01 2013

Surprises aren’t always a good thing; you never know if the gift box is hiding an iPhone 5 or a Nikki Minaj album. This isn’t my top movies of 2012. These are the movies that surprised me the most by exceeding or defiling my expectations, so movies that I knew would be good (Avengers),  mediocre (The Amazing Spider-Man, Hunger Games) or bad (Twilight) aren’t included.

1. Les Miserables- To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to enjoy the soundtrack as much as I did. In case my blogs have fooled you, I’m not the most cultured guy in the coffee shop. Musicals in particular (or operettas, for all you hipsters) have had as much impact on my life as a steak does for a vegan. That said, I LIKED the songs. I almost even bought some. So there you go. Good Surprise.

Les Miserables Poster

(Humming soundtrack)

 

2. The Grey-So in case you didn’t see the trailer for The Grey, it looked like Taken, but with wolves instead. Get ready as a team of men crash a plane, band together and fight wolves in an epic tale of survival! And Liam Neeson punches wolves! A lot! Ok. First, this is like the opposite of a survival movie (spoilers). Second, it wasn’t a wolf-punching fun-fest either, and they showed the last scene in the trailer. I maybe could have enjoyed this depressing, thoughtful movie if it hadn’t been advertised so differently. Bad Surprise.

3. Dark Knight Rises-So,  my review of this movie is pretty biased, as I’m both a Nolan and Batman fanboy at heart, but at the same time the movie was nothing like I thought it would be. I was expecting Dark Knight 2, but what we got had more of the Batman Begins feel with a disaster/war movie feel instead of Dark Knight‘s crime noir inspiration. Some people may have been turned off, but I loved how it ended the trilogy on such an epic scale, even if the second one’s still my favorite (yeah, it’s Joker). Good Surprise.

Dark Knight Rises Funny Charles

This is why you don’t watch pirated version.

 

4. Skyfall-The trailer was pretty slick, but I’ve never been a mega-fan of Bond movies (sorry, England). It turns out I really enjoyed the ride this time, including everything from the interesting locations to the psycho villain. Good Surprise. 

Daniel Craig Skyfall

Bond is sad the sky is falling.

5.Prometheus-Prometheus is like a stylish, self-inflated person who claims to tell you everything, but midway though his explanation you realize he knew less than you did. And then he shuts the car door on his hand. This movie wanted to be so ground-breaking and smart, but as I already pointed out, it consisted mostly of smoke and mirrors and added more questions. And had characters dying in the dumbest way possible, like running away from a falling ship the longest way possible. Bad Surprise.

Prometheus Falling Ship

This deserved a repost. Click to enlarge.

6. Lockout-This movie looked like a fun, dumb movie, with at least an interesting premise (prison break in space). However, it was actually just a dumb movie. Period. I walked out of the theater and counted all the better things I could have done with all that wasted time, like build a pirate-themed ant farm. Bad Surprise.

7. The expendables 2-Sure, it was loud and dumb and starred aging action stars, but we knew that, right? What I didn’t know was how hard I would laugh at the overblown hilarity, with a Chuck Norris joke summing up the whole movie. Good Surprise.

Had to have a meme somewhere.

Had to have a meme somewhere.

8. Wreck-it Ralph- This was the most Pixar-quality animated move of the year, and it didn’t come from Pixar. It even tried to pull my heart strings, but I held it off like a man. Good Surprise.

 

9. The Hobbit- Immaculately reproduced sets that made me want to have second breakfast while re-watching the original trilogy? Good Surprise. Annoying CGI Goblin KingBad Surprise. 

Dex and Goblin King

I still call plagiarism.





2πR- Person of Interest Review (Episode 11)

4 01 2013

CBS Person of Interest Banner

 

And we’re back! “2πR” started the second half of season 2, bringing us on just a few hours after that crazy climax. Reese is in jail with the other unfortunate people who chose to wear suits, so he was sidelined most of the episode. The good thing is this gave Carter and Fusco more time in the spotlight, with Fusco filling in Reese’s shoes for Finch and Carter doing everything she could to erase the evidence, secret agent-style. By the end, Special Agent Donnelly finds out none of the suspects was implicated by the DNA samples or the (now missing) fingerprints. He smells a rat and orders Carter to interrogate each one, in what will probably be one of the most interesting scenes Carter and Reese will share. Stay tuned!

The actual POI of the week helped push the episode into golden territory. Sometimes, the weekly story seems more like filler; it can lack creativity or is more straightforward. This time, however, I was completely sucked in, making my theories and finding most of them to be way off. Who knew an episode about a genius in high school could be so engrossing? It’s episodes like this that make it obvious why this show is so good: dynamic characters with a strong blend of procedural and serialized stories.

 

Finch the Teacher

Who knew substitute teachers were such stalkers?

Random Thoughts:

1. At the end, when Donelly asked for Carter, I seriously thought he had finally caught on, but then he was all, “You’re the only person I can trust on this case.” At this point, I’m almost feeling sorry for the guy. Almost.

2. I’m still holding on to the chance of Reese and Elias bumping into each other in prison. There’s so much potential there.

3. Did I miss it, or did they really not say what happened to the whole drug dealer problem? That guy seemed pretty pissed, and unless they arrested him, the kid’s number will be coming up every week.

4. That was the most interesting way to explain pi that I’d ever heard. Where was Finch when I was in math class?

5. Due to uncontrollable circumstances, I missed next week’s teaser. Describe it in the comments section and I’ll give you a virtual high-five!

 

Conclusion: 8.7/10