Olympus Has Fallen 5-Point Review

25 03 2013
Morgan Freeman Aaron Eckhart Gerard Butler

Three reasons to watch this movie.


1. Olympus Has Fallen has been called “the best Die Hard movie of the year” (they didn’t mean it, Bruce Willis), and it’s basically what would happen if Die Hard and  Air Force One had a baby. Is that a bad thing? No, no it’s not.


2. Gerard Butler,  Morgan Freeman and Aaron Eckhart all play their parts perfectly, giving us not only tough-as-nails characters, but genuinely likable ones at that, with Butler and Eckhart selling their bro friendship effortlessly. Even if the trauma doesn’t push President Asher into becoming President Two-Face (though the White House at the end looked like his hideout).


President Two-Face

Bet more people would watch The State of the Union Address.


3. Is the action good? Well, YES. Let’s just say Gerard Butler takes out a guy using the most American way possible in the Oval Office (Abe Lincoln is involved).

Abraham Lincoln

Bringing justice from beyond!


4. My one point of frustration during the movie (besides seeing all this happen to the U.S. of A.) was (SPOILERS) how easily the President gave away freakin’ nuclear codes away, just so someone in his Cabinet wouldn’t die. I mean, yeah, of course you wouldn’t want that to happen, but literally (cue Jack Bauer voice) MILLIONS OF LIVES WERE IN DANGER. I dunno, it’s not like they would really have killed the people who knew the code anyway, unless it was after they told the code (which they did). (END SPOILERS)


5. Speaking of Jack Bauer, this seemed very 24-ish, didn’t it? Maybe because of that one season? Again, not a bad thing, but what made me cringe was when I read this article about the copycat movie coming out in three months. Would I rather see Jamie Foxx be the President, this next movie asks? I’d rather watch President Two-Face.

Or Acting President Freeman.

Or Acting President Freeman.



“All In” Person of Interest Review (Episode 18)

15 03 2013

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“Ocean’s 4” would have been just as fitting a title for this high-stakes episode. “All In” featured Ron McLarty as Lou Mitchell, a genuinely likable senior adult with more to him than meets the eye (but that’s typical for this show, right?). What’s not typical for this show, however, was the not-so-subtle tribute to heist movies, specifically the “Ocean’s” titles. A casino job, designed as justice against a corrupt casino owner (Michael Rispoli), and carried out by a small team of wildly different people with specific skills? Come on! I actually got a kick out of this segment (“Finch’s 4?” Okay. I’m done), surprisingly, and it was a fun change of pace that actually worked.

Leon (Ken Leung) also made another appearance, making this the third time his number came up. His character is effective because he comes out of nowhere, has a few comedic moments, and then is gone before all the humor is dried up. Meanwhile, Carter worked to free the Geico commercial guy from false evidence planted by HR (who else?), who wanted to gain points with the Russian mob. Alas, after all the cutesy getaways and saving people and clearing a good cop’s name, (SPOILER) the HR boss gunned down the Geico guy. The Geico guy! I enjoyed seeing the “woodchuck chuck wood” guy on a show. I wonder if switching to Geico could have saved on his life insurance. (SPOILER END). But, it was a twist that I didn’t see coming. What else is going through my head? Read on!


POI Reese Casino

What happens when The Machine doesn’t help you gamble.

Random Thoughts:

1. I’m not sure whose idea it was to bench Fusco, but he’s really been MIA for at least two episodes now. It’s been a while since his big adventure with the Victoria’s Secret model POI.

2. I love how Leon’s face brightened up when he found out the Nigerians were planning to actually kill him (which would bring up his number). When Reese is in town, that’s the best thing that can happen, I guess.

3. The best moment may go to when Louie took the bullet out of the gun, told him off, and punched him.

4. I’ve gotta find out what all these blue screens (from The Machine) are saying. Google it, I guess.

5. Is it just me, or does Person of Interest make Thursdays so much better?



Oz the Great and Powerful Review

13 03 2013
Oz Poster

Misleading poster promises many things.


Like many of you, I always wondered, every day of my life, exactly what happened before The Wizard of Oz. Or at least Disney thinks we all did. And thus, we find out the Wizard’s humble origins as Harry Osbourne, sworn enemy of Spider-Man, er, or maybe he was actually called “Oz,” and was an aspiring magician. That’s the craziest origin story they could think of? Joking aside, this came from the director of the Spider-Man trilogy (Sam Raimi), and the trailers made it look similar to the trippy Alice in Wonderland live-action movie, which I actually enjoyed (dodges shoe thrown by hater). But how did this remake prequel deliver? (SPOILERS FOLLOW)

Well, it performed like a cheap pizza- good at first, heartburn and sorrow later. It started out with a spectacular opening credit sequence that made my 3D price worth it, and had a beginning that seemed a tribute to the original Wizard of Oz movie. The first 20ish minutes were shot in black and white with an old-school screen size. The acting style felt old-fashioned and larger-than-life, most notably from James Franco and Abigail Spencer. Heck, Oz even entered Oz via a tornado, and then we got a look at the wide-screen, vibrantly colored world. By the time Theodora and the womanizing Oz arrived in the Emerald City, I was completely into the movie.


China Doll Oz

Creepy doll actually wasn’t creepy.


And then something happened. I’m not really sure if there was one catalyst or not, but after Mila Kunis transformed into the more-wicked-witch, I realized my expectations for this movie had not only fallen but had gotten curb-stomped by a winged baboon.  Simply put, the movie was good enough, but could have been much better. To twist Oz’s words, I didn’t want this to be a good movie, I wanted it to be a great one. Maybe if Michelle Williams and Rachel Weisz hadn’t been so convincing, Mila Kunis’s acting wouldn’t have been so painful once she tried to play the evil role. Maybe if Mila Kunis’s second-half face hadn’t looked so laughably fake, we may not have cared about her acting so much. Maybe if there had been any sense of real danger or conflict, the movie could have been interesting in the second act. Maybe if the writers could have fleshed out the characters more, the most believable and likable wouldn’t have been the (well-done)  CGI china doll. Maybe if the movie hadn’t ended so randomly, yet weakly.


Oz Meme Funny

Sorry, Mila Kunis. Her version was much better.


I really wanted to give this movie two thumbs up. Unfortunately, it’s only gonna get one thumb up, hesitantly and that’s if you see it in 3D. And I’m gonna point two thumbs down in advance for the already-announced sequel, because that sounds like it will blow more than a tornado.


Franco intentionally trying to be cheesy, for once.

“Proteus” -Person of Interest Review (Episode 17)

8 03 2013

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New York can’t even catch a break from storms in Person of Interest. A giant storm pummels a coastal town in “Proteus,” and I’m guessing this probably wasn’t the most enjoyable episode to film for the actors, as Reese and Finch seemed to get soaked every other scene in the rain. This time The Machine gives six (!) numbers belonging to people all across the U.S.  As the team finds out more about each, it becomes apparent a serial killer has not only already murdered all six people, but would also take over the life of the victim before moving to the next one. Sounds a little far-fetched, unless these people were hermits with no social interaction, but with a little suspension of belief, this was an enjoyable and tense episode. The chameleon-like villain definitely earned a top spot for creepiness, and we got a classic POI episode of guessing who the killer will be.

The episode also developed the tension between Detective Carter and Cal, her former love interest who may or may not be a dirty cop. As a reminder, he is the godson of HR’s boss, but we haven’t been given anything absolute yet. He did manage to save the day, but one can never say for certain what direction this show will twist. One thing’s for sure; the character has definitely gotten more interesting since his introduction.  Can their barely-existent relationship handle this storm (har! har!) or will he end up being dirty after all? On top of all that, The Machine seems to be compromised due to whatever malware Kara Stanton planted earlier. As Finch stated, the real storm is just beginning.

Carter and Cal POI

I know he put something in my coffee.

Extra Thoughts:

1. I guess Fusco was sleeping on his couch the whole time. I don’t even remember anyone mentioning him the whole hour.

2. So Finch is a pilot, too? He probably learned through flight simulators, or maybe he wrote a master program for the world’s best autopilot.

3. I had an uneasy flashback of I Am Legend when Finch and Bear walked around the dark abandoned house…luckily Bear was luckier than Will Smith’s dog (sniff).

4. The blue screens on The Machine were definitely more widespread this time. I also caught a few more screen flashes with binary code. Anyone found out what they say yet?

5. Looking forward to the finale already; with that malware spreading and Root running wild, it looks like The Machine itself will be the one in danger, instead of Finch or Reese.

Conclusion: 8.0/10

My Humble Suggestion for Selecting The Next Pope

7 03 2013

According to a recent poll, some Americans think the Catholic Church is out of touch. Well, that just won’t do. Since Pope Benedict XV recently resigned and they’re currently looking for a new pope, what better time could they have to, say, shake things up a bit? Relate to the bloated population? And what’s easier to relate to, than reality shows? Here’s my humble suggestions for a new papal election process. The ball’s in your court, Cardinals.


1. Survivor

Pope Survivor Funny

Outwit. Outlast.


C’mon! It’s the show that started all this garbage  treasure trove of television genre! Papal candidates use their wits to survive against fellow clergymen in the wilderness, speaking in nothing but Latin. Outwit! Outlast! Outmass!


2. The Amazing Race

Pope Funny Race

Race to the Vatican!


Two-person teams race to the Vatican, using relics found along the way. The epic finale involves a thrilling road race using Pope-Mobiles.


3. Big Brother

Pope Funny

Couch Time.


Candidates spend a few weeks in a house together, minus the normal hot tubs and sleazy filler. Instead, they debate theology, play volleyball, and just enjoy chillin’.



4. The Bachelor

Pope Bachelor Funny

Only one.


Who will be the new pope? Former Pope Benedict XV decides over several weeks who will gain the magic hat. Watch as papal wannabes each attempt to (chastely) woo their mentor.