My Humble Suggestion for Selecting The Next Pope

7 03 2013

According to a recent poll, some Americans think the Catholic Church is out of touch. Well, that just won’t do. Since Pope Benedict XV recently resigned and they’re currently looking for a new pope, what better time could they have to, say, shake things up a bit? Relate to the bloated population? And what’s easier to relate to, than reality shows? Here’s my humble suggestions for a new papal election process. The ball’s in your court, Cardinals.


1. Survivor

Pope Survivor Funny

Outwit. Outlast.


C’mon! It’s the show that started all this garbage  treasure trove of television genre! Papal candidates use their wits to survive against fellow clergymen in the wilderness, speaking in nothing but Latin. Outwit! Outlast! Outmass!


2. The Amazing Race

Pope Funny Race

Race to the Vatican!


Two-person teams race to the Vatican, using relics found along the way. The epic finale involves a thrilling road race using Pope-Mobiles.


3. Big Brother

Pope Funny

Couch Time.


Candidates spend a few weeks in a house together, minus the normal hot tubs and sleazy filler. Instead, they debate theology, play volleyball, and just enjoy chillin’.



4. The Bachelor

Pope Bachelor Funny

Only one.


Who will be the new pope? Former Pope Benedict XV decides over several weeks who will gain the magic hat. Watch as papal wannabes each attempt to (chastely) woo their mentor.




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