Facebook or Failbook?

19 04 2012

So, I was thinking about my love/hate relationship with Facebook. Sure, it looks great on the surface- stay in touch with friends, discover new friends, stalk that one person you could never actually get a date with, etc. As a PR major, I’ve heard enough about how to use Facebook that I honestly think I could rebuild Facebook if the need ever came up.


Thanks, Captain Facebook Man!


However, sometimes it seems like for every little puppy Facebook gives you, there’s a whole shoe full of puppy poo. Take for example the multitude of mandatory changes that Lord Zuckerberg has imposed, such as the new timeline. Not only is it a stalker’s dream, Facebook also changes your page for you if you refuse to change it yourself, despite the majority of users crying out in terror before every change. It’s not that Mark and Co. don’t care, it’s just that they don’t seem to need to care. Think about it. Everyone and their dog now has a Facebook. No one wants to leave and find several hundred friends over again on some obscure new social site (what’s up Google +). It’s like trying to move a giant party’s location midway through; too many people are already there, and they probably couldn’t figure out how to get to the new spot anyway.


Leave?! I just learned how to poke!


However, some people are leaving altogether for other reasons. What if you have friends who have a more exciting life than you? “Oh, look, Annie’s taking another trip to LA…she met Tom Cruise…he told her to stop spying on his Scientology ritual. What was I going to post about, again? Oh yeah, I finished reading a book.”  I’ve heard this called Facebook depression, and it’s pretty widespread.


Tom Cruise

"Next we either need a young virgin or your bank account number."


There’s also the endless “friend” spam that we willingly sign up for. You know, stuff like, “Help me with this survey! It’s really tedious and pointless, and I never talk to you for any other reason, but I’m really lazy!” Or maybe, “John Boy is listening to “Pocketful of Sunshine” on Spotify!” You know, stuff you’d smack a person for if they had called and just told you out of the blue. And don’t even get me started on the fun single people have reading their friends’ endless proclamations of love for each other.

All this said, I don’t see my profile going down anytime soon, at least until Facebook becomes the new MySpace.


Condescending Wonka will take us home.



13 02 2012
Happy Single's Awareness Day!

Happy Single’s Awareness Day!                     (Photo credit: Max Braun)

Woke up this morning just like any day

Hopped on Facebook to tell a friend “Hey!”

Then I saw on his wall something I had not sought,

He loved his girlfriend, and man, (he said) was she HAWT!

That’s cute, I thought, and switched to the feed,

And got blasted with stories of conjugal needs!

It all hit me like a ton of bricks,

Statuses filled with relational bliss!

Thirty-two friends with the best girl, EVER!

Forty-nine pics with faces of laughter.

And then as obnoxious as an ill-timed fart,

Every message they gave ended with a heart!

Sappiness stretched as far as I could see,

And I said aloud, what could this be?

Then realized, much to my dismay,

It must be Singles Awareness Day!

I logged off my account without feeling bitter,

Even though my plans for the day were withered

With any friends who had found a mate.

“Fine!” (I sniffled) “I’ll have fun without a date!”

So I bought some ice cream (a pint seemed right)

And got together with friends for a Bro Night.

We ate and joked and watched TV

And properly celebrated S.A.D.

Single Awareness Day Meme