Why Movies Based on Video Games Are Always Terrible

8 07 2017

Hey everyone, I’m also now writing on Creators.co to gain more experience/motivation. I’ll still be writing here too, but thought I’d provide an easy way for you to read more of my random thoughts.

That said, check out my first post here! I promise that link is fantastic!

super-mario-bros-movie

 





Edge of Tomorrow Review

13 06 2014
tom cruise emily blunt

Watch out Matt Damon. A better mech suit’s in town.

 

Edge of Tomorrow, inspired by every gamer’s attempt to beat a video game on Insane mode (I’m assuming), serves as a superior alternative to last year’s political (and drearily boring) ElysiumBoth featured blockbuster stars who donned a crazy mechanical suit (although Tom’s is less painful to put on), so I was a little wary going into the theater. I’m pleased to say it was not only better than I thought, but it could very well be my favorite summer movie so far. It’s definitely more original than Tom Cruise’s other recent sci-fi Oblivion, which was interesting but felt like it borrowed an awful lot from other movies. Edge of Tomorrow could at most be compared to Groundhog Day; that is, if Bill Murray had been shooting terrifying aliens the whole time. But what makes it stand out?

 

Cage

Cruise. Does. Not. Age.

 

First of all, it’s Tom Cruise playing against type. Yes, he plays an officer named Cage, but he’s more of a PR guy for the military who never gets close to the field. After being thrust into battle by comically unfortunate circumstances, he jumps out and…dies (whoops, spoiler alert!). He then wakes up screaming the previous day, and it’s then he realizes that the movie just gained a very interesting premise. As he replays the day, he gets better and makes progress in finding out what’s happening to him. Don’t worry, even though he relives the same day, it doesn’t get stale thanks to smart editing that conveys the events without dragging down the pace. How many different ways can one day go? Quite a bit, apparently. There are also quite a few hilarious shock moments that come from Cruise getting untimely destroyed, but we only cut back to the previous few seconds. It would be interesting to figure out just how many days his character had to live through, because he dies constantly.

 

Rita

(Game Over Screen)

 

So far we have a proven lead actor, solid CGI (the “Mimics” are super creepy) and a promising premise. The other key part of this success formula is named Emily Blunt. I’m a fan of her acting (and may or may not have a crush), but usually she gets stuck in sort-of-OK movies like The Adjustment Bureau or Looper (notice I haven’t reviewed either). In this film, she easily holds up her side of the movie as Rita, and makes a character believable that could have easily come across as outrageous. To top it off, she’s great with Tom Cruise. I don’t remember one scene where the chemistry or dialogue felt forced, and to be honest she had the harder acting job- she had to start from scratch each new day while still developing her character. Both her and Cruise both had the action pieces down as well, selling the tension in CGI-fueled battles. I don’t say that to indicate that the battles looked fake- again, the CGI was effective, and coupled with some tight choreography and sound effects, each battle sequence held my attention.

 

General

Punch him in the face with Scientology, Tom!

 

But there’s got to be some downers in this movie, right? Well, if I nitpick a little I could mention the reason for Cruise’s gift/curse is a little simplistic, but really it’s done so well I can’t complain. If anything, my main beef would be how unlikeable the military is for the majority of the movie, especially that half-witted General. I get that they aren’t supposed to be perfect, but if we’re supposed to be rooting for humanity, it wouldn’t have hurt to have them be a little more sympathetic.

 

All in all though, this is a solid action movie with surprisingly strong writing. The plot could be repetitive but it’s not, and in hindsight the day goes so many different routes it’s hard to remember the exact path the movie took. Ultimately, it’s a serious, heartfelt and somehow fun sci-fi journey through time.

 

tom cruise meme

Much like when you notice Christian Bale’s eye wart…





Wreck-It-Ralph 5-Point Review

13 11 2012
Wreck-It-Ralph and Friends

Just got a “Monsters, Inc.” vibe.

 

1. “Wreck-It-Ralph” is the Pixar film we’ve all been waiting for, but of course the catch is Pixar had nothing to do with this movie. Disney Animation Studios came up with this gem, and imagine that I just provided you with the studio’s full history and list of works, because I’m too lazy to research it at the moment.

 

Walt Disney Animation Studios logo

This is their logo, anyway. 

2. The point is that Wreck-It-Ralph hits all the notes of originality, sweetness (even outside of “Sugar Rush”) and general quality that usually never strayed outside of Pixar’s turf. That is, before Cars 2 and Brave drunkenly stumbled onto the stage. The worlds inside the arcade machines are also a highlight when shown through the character’s point of view.

3. Yes, it’s very possible to really enjoy the movie even if you’re not a “gamer.” However, there were a ton of wink-winks to the nerdy faithful (myself included). Cameos, settings, and graffiti provided plenty of references, such as the JENKINS or ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US scrawled on walls.

All Your Base Are Belong to Us

Aerith Lives. 

4. Still, it’s a good thing I didn’t go see this movie to see Bowser, Bison, and Sonic share screen time (although that helped). Cameos were usually no longer than one (brief) scene with a paltry number of lines (one to two). You wouldn’t know that from the film’s marketing campaign, however.

Wreck-It-Ralph Baddies

Yeah, these guys were definitely in the movie longer than a combined 5 minutes.

5. This isn’t a problem though, because the movie’s core two characters Ralph (John C. Reilly) and  Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) provide more heart and depth than you’d expect. Jane Lynch was also humorous as Sergeant Calhoun (much as I hate to say anything positive about anyone connected to that cesspool of television, Glee). Time to step up your game again, Pixar.

 

Up Down Poster

And don’t make this movie. Make Incredibles 2.

Bonus level point: I also enjoyed the Pixar-ish short before the feature, although I felt kind of weird cheering on a stalker who likes making paper airplanes.





Public Enemy #1

30 11 2011

Word on the street is PETA has a new target. PETA (that’s People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, not People Eating Tasty Animals) is already known for conducting various high-brow, intelligent campaigns. For example, naked people refusing to wear fur, or anything at all for that matter except a strategically placed (and terrified-looking) bunny, chick, etc. Those ads are out there if you want to sneak a look at airbrushed women in not even their skivvies, but this is a family-friendly blog. Go find them yourself.  Such tactics seem to indicate they have only one target audience in mind.

That's right, I'm talking about kids with evil paternal figures.

No, in a brilliant twist that everyone should have seen coming, PETA decided to target Super Mario.

Mario's all grown up.

They literally designed an entire campaign around Mario murderously wiping out the raccoon species for a tanooki suit.  “Tanooki may be just a suit in the game, but in real life tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur,” according to PETA’s site. “By wearing a Tanooki, Mario is sending the message that it is OK to wear fur.”

After a deafening outcry from nerds everywhere, PETA later stated that the whole thing was actually “tongue-in-cheek.” PETA didn’t want us to burn our dusty Game Cubes, they just wanted us to stop buying that dagburn raccoon fur! I for one definitely have blown way too much of my income on raccoon apparel.

But wait, they’re just going to let Mass Murderer Mario walk free because a few fanboys got their tanooki tails ruffled? Not on my watch! We haven’t even come close to listing all of Mario’s horrifying subliminal messaging aimed at YOUR KID. Or YOU. If you play video games.

Let’s roll them out.

C'mon, PETA. This is up your alley.

Step on a turtle, and it will NOT shoot out of its shell wearing a grin and no pants. Try telling that to Little Billy, who just played through Super Mario 3 (Billy lives in the 80’s). No, in the cold, real world, that turtle is flat toast smeared with strawberry jam, if you get my drift.

Cruel Mario

This has happened somewhere.

I can hear my reader(s) crying out, “Okay! So Mario has animal issues! That’s all!”

No, sensitive reader, it is not. Exhibit B.

Kart Anti-Safety

Luigi about to face plant off the moving vehicle of fun.

“Kids! Helmets are for momma’s boys!” -Nintendo

Mario Mushroom

Of course it's safe!

“Kids! It’s so pretty, it GOTTA be tasty!” – Nintendo

Drugs!

DRUGS!

“Pills, pills, pills! Of course I’m a real doctor!” – Dealer Mario

Frog Mario

PETA HE'S AT IT AGAIN!

“Kids! You can skin more than animals with fur!” – Nintendo